So last Thursday was not a good day for me. It started with my dad shaking me awake and telling me that I had been in bed for too long. Now any normal person of around nineteen years old would understand that ten o'clock in the morning is a good time to catch up on the sleep you didn't get while looking at facebook the night before. I later discovered that it wasn't my dad who had the problem with my sleeping habits but my mother who thinks everything needs to be done by noon. I on the other hand think that things will get done by the time I go to bed. Which could also explain why i don't normally get up until 11:30.
To understand the rest of my day you must know that my mom has had surgery and it has resulted in some complications. So I have been helping her out as much as possible but I am also a very busy person with work and a boyfriend.
My parents had a fight about my sister's actions while I was getting ready for the day. She hasn't had the greatest attitude this year. This is one of the only issues that I agree with my mother about. My dad thinks she is fine and that everything is going to work out but the reality is if she doesn't change her attitude I really don't want her coming to Vermillion in the next years. This summer has shone me that my little sister has become very spoiled and thinks she is entitled to everything. Now don't get me wrong she can be a very sweet person and helps out with everything she can but when she starts acting like our mom I get really sad.
Anyway back on topic. My dad thought that my mom would be a little nicer to me seeing that I've been helping her out and getting things done around the house so he decided I would go with her to the grocery store. Bad idea. We ended up getting in a fight because I got my own checking account this summer. This means she can't look at all the money that I have. I've hated having to deal with this for the past few years. She always asks me where my money is going and why never seem to have enough money on me. Well there wasn't that much money left in the account she can see because I try to save as much as possible. So now she can't check up on me all the time.
Side note I'm 19. This is uncalled for.
Well she asked me where it all was going and I told her how much I had in savings in the other account. She just starts yelling at me and telling me how i wasn't going to be able to count on them to bail me out next year and that I was going to have to start working at Lewis on the weekends or get a job because she couldn't support me for the rest of this year. and they have bills to pay as well and they don't need the added stress of my financial situation.
This isn't the first time my mother has yelled at me about this topic. But for some odd reason it just hurt more this time. I know I shouldn't think I'm owed anything for helping her but god damn it I didn't need that.
It ended with me walking home from the grocery store crying having just threatened to move out.
Two people really helped me out in this situation. Thanks to Kayla I was able to calm down and walk back to my house to face my mother. She wasn't to trilled that I had left. (She said well you can just walk home and I did. this is following orders not abandoning her.) Not much changed and we ended up screaming at each other for another half an hour. After that I talked to Kevin. I felt so bad for making him sit through my cry fest. I never like putting people in weird positions. So I hate pushing my problems on others. I especially felt bad cause Kevin hadn't been feeling very good the day before. But he listened to me and said everything right. I love him so much! He makes me feel safe and loved. I didn't have that before. When we would fight I always lost because I had no one else to turn to for support. No one ever gave me the confidence to say this is wrong.
Eventually my mom and I made up (like we always do). I think we understand each other a little better now. She admitted that I'm not her baby girl anymore. I can do things on my own and succeed at them.
To end my sucky day I was called in to work...for seven hours....on my day off.
These bad days have been happening less in the past years but sometimes, like last thursday, they boil over into especially bad days. The good part though is that you can always wake up the next morning with a fresh start.
Forgiving and forgetting doesn't mean you erase the day before, it means you learn from the mistakes you made and forgive yourself for making them.
I forgive myself for choosing to make a bigger deal out of the situation with my mom. I love her very much and hope we can stop having these confrentations in the future.
On a happier note I get to see Kevin tomorrow!!!!! I can't wait which is probably why I can't sleep...I love him so much! We get to have about two days with each other. I'm so happy!!!
ok going to bed now
Ash
No comments:
Post a Comment