How I Got Here

Kevin gave me some advice yesterday about blogging since I have a tendency to start a journal and then forget about it. He said write what you are thinking about. so here goes.

I have been thinking about how lucky I am right now. My life never used to be like this. I have some really great friends and of course a great boyfriend. I think the best thing that could have ever happened to me was getting to hear the Chamber Singers sing at my school my junior year of high school. After that I went to the Sioux Falls concert for the next two years. If I hadn't gotten to hear them sing I wouldn't have thought about becoming a music major or going to USD. Going to USD was the best decision I have ever made. I used to have a lot of trouble making friends. When I was in middle school, my dad's job was unstable. We weren't sure if we would be staying in Sioux Falls. It was kinda a month to month thing. I kept expecting to come home to find my parents packing. So after a while I stopped trying to make friends. My mind kept telling me why get attached when I'll just have to say good-bye tomorrow. Even though my dad retired from the Methodist church when I was 14, I still had that thought in my head as I started high school. It was really hard for me. I NEVER had people over to my house. Honestly Kayla has only been over to my house like three times and one of those times was over April Fools Day when she wanted to see Taryn's face when I told her I wasn't engaged. (long story) It wasn't until my senior year when I started hanging out with friends. And even then I really didn't hang out all that often because I worked twenty hours or more a week. That's why I think it was a good idea for me to not work my first year of college. I have so many more friends now who I actually want to hang out with, (another long story). And now I'm even going to be a bridesmaid in Laura B's wedding. All of this still doesn't even cover the fact that I have a boyfriend who cares about me almost as much as I care about him:)
I am so happy right now and am loving life. Who knew listening to the Chamber Singers could change my life so drastically. I am so blessed to be apart of this group.

feeling good
Ash

Writer's block

so I've had writers block for the past three days. I want to blog about so many things but I just can't seem to focus on one. So i just stare at my blank screen for about an hour while watching TV after work. Wow I need a life.

Anyway there are a few things that I would like to write about. Such as this past weekend. I went to White with Kevin for his brother's wedding. We had so much fun!!!!! Friday was an interesting day. It started out with my mom telling me how she was disappointed in me for not finishing my room before I had to leave...Thanks mom. Of course she put on a giant smile as soon as Kevin got there. She is the master of mood swings. Kevin made everything better cause he showed up with flowers :) They make me happy every time I look at them:) The ride up there didn't feel like an hour. It's crazy how much fun we have just talking. One of the biggest surprises that happened was from Paul. He handed me the keys to his truck! (He never does that.) After the rehearsal dinner we all got in the pool:) It turned into an all out war with beach balls. I kinda feel like I got initiated into the family lol. And the best part was getting to kiss Kevin in the pool...at least until we were hit in the head by T.J. with one of the beach balls.
The wedding was beautiful!!! But kinda short.. though I really liked the sand thing they did. My dad hates it which kinda makes me laugh. He does a lot of weddings and funerals as like a second job. But back to this weekend, I have to say the flower girl was the cutest, aside from Kevin of course. Probably my favorite part of the wedding was at the reception when Kevin and I got to dance together. I love him so much :)
We stayed at Kevin's mom's place. I woke up both mornings with Flinn, one of her four cats, trying to get me to pet him/her. (I still can't remember which cat is a girl or a boy.) At one point three cats were sitting on my lap lol. I love those cats! I asked Flinn if he would miss his sleeping buddy and Kevin got all mad :) it was funny.
On Sunday Kevin and I went to the lake and went canoeing. It was so much fun until we got lost. The dock was flooded and you couldn't really see the flag that marked the end of the dock. (It was just sticking out of the water.) But I was very impressed with Kevin. He didn't get mad since I was the one who could actually see. (He wasn't wearing his glasses.) We just kept looking for the exit and eventually we asked for directions. We were able to get along and calmly figure a way out of our situation. He has gained browny points ;)
We couldn't decide on a card to get for Paul and Shelly so we ended up getting them two... One was a nice wedding card and the other was a giant singing card that said SMILE!! It was perfect and we won the award for biggest card.
I didn't want to leave!! But that could've also been due to the fact that I was having fun with Kevin:)

I went back to work on Monday woohoo (:() Nothing really interesting happened until today when I found out one of my managers is leaving and another is getting promoted to his spot. I'll miss crazy Jay but I agree with Scott's choice to give Steve this opportunity. The only problem is I'm only scheduled for two days next week...I talked to my head manager, Scott, and he said he might be able to get me some more hours but I have to wait until tomorrow to see. (He was already a half hour over his shift.)

I miss Kevin SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!! Hopefully I'll get to see him soon. And if I don't get more hours next weekend I'm going to go see him!!!!!!!!

Wow and I thought I had writer's block
And I have mentioned Kevin in almost every sentence of this blog:)
Oh well, I'm going to bed
Ash

Congratulations you're a dumb ass

So working at Lewis I have met some pretty stupid people. Some of them are even supposed to be in charge of me, lol. I have some favorites over my two and a half years. There was the woman who tried to convince me that she could see angles and about three different people tried to tell me that the government had some sort of conspiracy going on. There is also James who comes in almost every day and buys a pack of Titans, he is missing some teeth and always seems to have spit dripping from his mouth.

One person who I should have seen as a dumb ass is my ex-boyfriend Travis. I probably should have seen the warning signs like the fact that he is six years older than me, my boss was his roommate, and he smoked. Well he decided to text me tonight and this is exactly what he said, "by chance qhats your last name?" Yes we dated for four months and he can't even remember my last name...and can't spell "what". I really don't want him back in my life so I asked why? After avoiding the question and refusing to answer until he told me why I found out that they replayed this demonstration thing I did in high school on drunk driving. I was thinking he wanted to add me on facebook. Thank God it wasn't that. He tried to get back together with me this past year and I told him I had a boyfriend...named Cody...This just reminds me how amazing Kevin is:) I love you sweetie!!!!! I still kinda feel insulted that he didn't remember my last name! Congrats you are a stupid cheating dumb ass!!!

But tonight I think I have found my favorite dumb ass.
A customer found a lady slumped over in her car, note she had her keys in her hands. The doors were all locked and the windows up. Obviously worried for her safety, the other customer ran inside and found our manager who called 600 (security aka our undercover security guard) who called the police. I was working outside and didn't see any of this because the car wasn't very close to the hut and I had other customers to deal with. Not only did the police show up but the fire department and an ambulance came with them. One of the police officers had to shack the car to wake her up. They were very close to breaking her windows. Any way, after she got out of the car, the police officer found an open container of wine in the front seat. Later on they gave her a sobriety test which she obviously failed (I got to watch it was kinda funny). They cuffed her and formally charged her with a DUI. Later on a guy from Jim and Ron's showed up and towed her car. Did I mention she had to of been in her late 50's early 60's. Congrats you are my favorite dumb ass so far. lol

stuck in the middle

Just as I was beginning to write this post an ant crawled on my screen....just thought you would all like to know. It kinda scared me cause I wasn't expecting it.:)

This summer has been very interesting. So far I have worked almost double what I worked last year, met the man of my dreams, made several visits to Vermillion, fought with my mother, and sang with the band at my church. I'm kinda stuck between wanting summer to be over so I can start school again and spend more time with Kevin, and not wanting it to end so I can sleep in and keep working at Lewis.

I want things to speed up because it kills me every time Kevin and have to separate. I go to work not really caring what other people's problems are because I would much rather be spending time with him. This is all very new for me. My past relationships have all been very secretive. I hid them from my parents and friends at school, with the exception of Kayla, because they really didn't mean anything to me. With Kevin everything is different. I love just being with him. We could be doing the weirdest things and still be having fun. Right now, I just miss him. Which is also a new thing for me cause I've never really missed being around someone. Don't get me wrong I miss my family and friends when I'm not around them but this is just different. I'm not as happy when I'm not with him and I'm a very positive person. I love him so much!!! I think I've said that in every post but it is true!! I've never had this feeling before. We can talk about anything and everything. I'm counting down the days until I get to see him again. (six more days!!!)

I want things to slow down because I get to sing at church. I've wanted to be in the church band since I was 12. I would help them set up and put away every Sunday morning as well as do sound checks for them. I can now lift a speaker onto its stand all by myself. But my mom always told me that I wasn't allowed to sing because I was the pastor's daughter. I think she wanted to save me from people saying I only got to sing because of my dad and the fact that she was in the band. I also wasn't allowed to try out for solos at church because I had to let the other kids have a chance at it. One of the biggest blows to my heart was the winter they chose my sister to sing a verse of silent night over me because they needed a younger sounding voice. I was still happy for her but it hurt a little that they didn't pick me. In resent years I came to the realization that no matter how much I helped them all out they weren't required to give me a spot in the band. I was expecting something in return. So I stopped helping them set up. I know it seems like I became selfish but I was just tired of doing all that work for so little reward. Then a few weeks after I got home for summer, one of the girls in the band decided to take the summer off. My mom offered me the position and I took it. I love doing this, even if I do spend four hours at church every Sunday.

time is a strange thing. I am just happy that my life is going so well right now. I can't wait to see what will happen next.
Favorite quote "Live your life so the preacher wont have to lie at your funeral."
Ash

i had a bad day....

So last Thursday was not a good day for me. It started with my dad shaking me awake and telling me that I had been in bed for too long. Now any normal person of around nineteen years old would understand that ten o'clock in the morning is a good time to catch up on the sleep you didn't get while looking at facebook the night before. I later discovered that it wasn't my dad who had the problem with my sleeping habits but my mother who thinks everything needs to be done by noon. I on the other hand think that things will get done by the time I go to bed. Which could also explain why i don't normally get up until 11:30.

To understand the rest of my day you must know that my mom has had surgery and it has resulted in some complications. So I have been helping her out as much as possible but I am also a very busy person with work and a boyfriend.

My parents had a fight about my sister's actions while I was getting ready for the day. She hasn't had the greatest attitude this year. This is one of the only issues that I agree with my mother about. My dad thinks she is fine and that everything is going to work out but the reality is if she doesn't change her attitude I really don't want her coming to Vermillion in the next years. This summer has shone me that my little sister has become very spoiled and thinks she is entitled to everything. Now don't get me wrong she can be a very sweet person and helps out with everything she can but when she starts acting like our mom I get really sad.

Anyway back on topic. My dad thought that my mom would be a little nicer to me seeing that I've been helping her out and getting things done around the house so he decided I would go with her to the grocery store. Bad idea. We ended up getting in a fight because I got my own checking account this summer. This means she can't look at all the money that I have. I've hated having to deal with this for the past few years. She always asks me where my money is going and why never seem to have enough money on me. Well there wasn't that much money left in the account she can see because I try to save as much as possible. So now she can't check up on me all the time.
Side note I'm 19. This is uncalled for.
Well she asked me where it all was going and I told her how much I had in savings in the other account. She just starts yelling at me and telling me how i wasn't going to be able to count on them to bail me out next year and that I was going to have to start working at Lewis on the weekends or get a job because she couldn't support me for the rest of this year. and they have bills to pay as well and they don't need the added stress of my financial situation.

This isn't the first time my mother has yelled at me about this topic. But for some odd reason it just hurt more this time. I know I shouldn't think I'm owed anything for helping her but god damn it I didn't need that.

It ended with me walking home from the grocery store crying having just threatened to move out.

Two people really helped me out in this situation. Thanks to Kayla I was able to calm down and walk back to my house to face my mother. She wasn't to trilled that I had left. (She said well you can just walk home and I did. this is following orders not abandoning her.) Not much changed and we ended up screaming at each other for another half an hour. After that I talked to Kevin. I felt so bad for making him sit through my cry fest. I never like putting people in weird positions. So I hate pushing my problems on others. I especially felt bad cause Kevin hadn't been feeling very good the day before. But he listened to me and said everything right. I love him so much! He makes me feel safe and loved. I didn't have that before. When we would fight I always lost because I had no one else to turn to for support. No one ever gave me the confidence to say this is wrong.

Eventually my mom and I made up (like we always do). I think we understand each other a little better now. She admitted that I'm not her baby girl anymore. I can do things on my own and succeed at them.

To end my sucky day I was called in to work...for seven hours....on my day off.
These bad days have been happening less in the past years but sometimes, like last thursday, they boil over into especially bad days. The good part though is that you can always wake up the next morning with a fresh start.
Forgiving and forgetting doesn't mean you erase the day before, it means you learn from the mistakes you made and forgive yourself for making them.
I forgive myself for choosing to make a bigger deal out of the situation with my mom. I love her very much and hope we can stop having these confrentations in the future.

On a happier note I get to see Kevin tomorrow!!!!! I can't wait which is probably why I can't sleep...I love him so much! We get to have about two days with each other. I'm so happy!!!

ok going to bed now
Ash

Axis of Awesome - 4 Four Chord Song (with song titles)

the fourth of July

This year was the best fourth of July I have ever had! I got to have church at falls park with the mayor. Then I had to work for six hours at Lewis. It was so slow that I was allowed to sit down in the rocking chairs for about a half hour and I got to kinda watch Avatar. I couldn't hear the movie but I could see the screens. And then the fun began!! Kevin picked me up around six thirty and we went to Brookings together. The drive was fun even though we didn't have air conditioning or a radio. I got to hold his hand and talk with him in person, it was amazing!! We got to the event just as the band started playing. They were a cover band and would eventually do Lady GaGa's poker face....but other than that and a very heavy base they were ok. The next to arrive was Kevin's mom, Sue who is adorable, and their neighbor Mason. Sue even gave me a hug when she first saw me which made all of my butterflies disappear. Finally the last two to arrive where Kevin's step-brother, Curt, and their friend T.J. Both of them were really funny. I really like Kevin's family. You can tell that they all care about each other and are not afraid to have a good time. I think they liked me too. Which makes me very happy cause that's what I was nervous about. The best part of the night was getting to watch the fireworks in Kevin's arms. I love him so much!!!! It was a perfect night...if you don't count the bugs. I have now counted 12 bug bites on my legs and feet. But it was totally worth it to get to see the fireworks. After they were done we were going to go get some pie but Perkin's was closed. So we tailgated in Wal-mart. It was so much fun despite the drama with one of TJ's friends. (Long story that I don't wish to repeat).
Once everything was done, I spent the night at Sue's place. It was so cool cause I got to see the house that Kevin grew up in and some of his old stuff. One this I thought was funny was that Kevin collected rocks as a kid...I did too! I was laughing in my head cause this was just another random thing that we have in common. Kevin was also kind enough to let me sleep on the couch. We totally fell asleep holding hands. It made me happy:)
The next morning I got to meet Kevin's brother Paul and soon to be sister-in-law Shelly. I like both of them. Though you can totally tell that Paul and Kevin are brothers; they look a lot alike. I wish I could have spent more time with them but I had to go to work. I get to go to their wedding in about two weeks so I'll try to spend more time talking then.
I made it back just in time for work. Quite honestly I didn't want to leave Kevin's car. I miss him already and we wont get to see each other until sometime next week. It all depends on when I get my schedule.
Again BEST FOURTH OF JULY EVER!!!!!!!!
all thanks to Kevin my amazing/awesome/cute boyfriend.
I can't wait to see what we do next together
That's enough for one day
ttyl
Ash